MY THOUGHTS ON THAT

I had no intention of writing thoughts in this email. I haven't had
a chance to collect them, much less commit them to the keys
in...well, how old is Clara? But after taking a walk with an
incredibly creative and lovingly supportive friend, I realized I not
only want to sit here at the page with you, but it is a necessity.

My world spins fast. Any mother will tell you that there is much
energy to be spent playing with, laughing with, bathing, consoling,
feeding, distracting (the new-fangled term: "redirecting") a toddler.
This is true. it is exhausting. It is unrelenting. It is amazing.
But this job of mothering cannot be blamed for my world spinning.
That I do to myself. And at rare moments full of grace, I am aware
of doing it and why.

Walking under the canopy of orange and red exploding around the
beautiful town of Chestnut Hill, I had one of those rare moments. It
was not a peaceful moment of deep inner understaning. It was an
anxious tug of war between resistance and release. But it brought me
to the page, and for that I am always grateful.

When I find my world spinning, I can almost always look past all the
"stuff" I'm doing and see the Truth I'm avoiding. In this case it
was the Truth of my creative self needing some focused attention.
This is not a first for me. I have at various periods in the past
ignored my right brain, expressive, connected bit. But I can never
do it for long. It lies quietly in wait while I do my thing until it
senses a chink in my armor of lists and schedules, and bam! it knocks
me upside the head. I rail at it, sighting obligations and tasks and
a "to do" list to trip over. But it is slippery. it weedles it's way
in and spreads over the "doing" in my life like a nice strawberry jam.
And I find myself drawn in. And before I know it, the laundry is
molding in the washer, the mail is piling up by the door, and I am
collecting my thoughts, commiting them to words, and sharing them
with you.

And just like that the ride slows down. Ahhh.

I am really looking forward to sharing the music with you on the
17th!